Goodbye, part 2

Well, we had to say goodbye to J. today, again. He was able to come home for a lovely Thanksgiving weekend before returning to his train up base. We are very fortunate for being able to have that extra time, but it is almost like reapplying the scab after ripping it off the first time, to rip it off for a second time. Goodbyes suck, but the second time it is worse. The only reason I have not completely lost my mind is knowing there is a large chance he will not have to go. But then again, there is a chance he will as well. Right now we know nothing about this deployment other than some people are going. We do not know when, where, who, or even how they will get there, but someone will go in the end. I have been good all day, until he told the bratlets goodbye. I lost it right in front of his office thanks to that. Baby boy does not understand what is going on, but big girl does. She understands it all too well. I am hoping and praying we will have an answer tomorrow. I am so tired of the up and down roller coaster. I just want the chance to grieve, be heartbroken and pissed off if he does have to go.