Feeling a bit melancholy today

At 16, hell even at 18 never would I have imagined I would be where I am now. At 16 I believed I would be a Veterinarian, possibly married, and no children. At 32, I am an Army wife and a stay at home mom to two children. Yesterday I received my hard fought for diploma, not in veterinarian medicine, but in criminal justice. At the age of almost 19, a man walked into my life that changed things forever, and for the best. Despite the deployments and separations there is absolutely nothing I would give to change the outcome of my life. At 16, I believed I had the entire world at my fingertips. Today I still do, but only those fingertips belong to the small people I am raising. Now it is up to me and my husband to make sure in the end we can send well-adjusted, good hearted people into this world. While our lives may not be perfect, far from it. We have constant ups and downs and uncertainties that come with the life, it is our life and so far I believe we have all made the best of it. We have been paid to live in areas that most people only dream about. I can look at people with pride and say I am married to a United States Soldier. Now at this point I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up and will most likely be paying student loans back until I am 80, but that is ok. I am sure when the time comes I will figure things out.

Well, we now have answers

They are not what we wanted to hear. That is all I will say tonight. It is time to have a very large drink.

Goodbye, part 2

Well, we had to say goodbye to J. today, again. He was able to come home for a lovely Thanksgiving weekend before returning to his train up base. We are very fortunate for being able to have that extra time, but it is almost like reapplying the scab after ripping it off the first time, to rip it off for a second time. Goodbyes suck, but the second time it is worse. The only reason I have not completely lost my mind is knowing there is a large chance he will not have to go. But then again, there is a chance he will as well. Right now we know nothing about this deployment other than some people are going. We do not know when, where, who, or even how they will get there, but someone will go in the end. I have been good all day, until he told the bratlets goodbye. I lost it right in front of his office thanks to that. Baby boy does not understand what is going on, but big girl does. She understands it all too well. I am hoping and praying we will have an answer tomorrow. I am so tired of the up and down roller coaster. I just want the chance to grieve, be heartbroken and pissed off if he does have to go.

Dinner dates

After all the wonderful whining this morning I made the little man take a nap. He woke up in a much better mood. Since they missed skating with a friend today I decided to take them both out to dinner.

My sweet dinner dates were both on their best behaviors. My little guy was so polite and sat still. Poor baby girl is starting to get sick. The time it took us to drive to dinner and sit down she started feeling worse. By the time we made it home, she was feeling truly horrible. Once we made it home we doped her up and sent her to bed. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better for her. While at Ruby Tuesday little man managed to fall in front to the toilet and scrape his knee up. That takes true talent right there.

My dinner dates

Whining

The ever present distinct sound of a child's voice when the syllables seem to join together in one long eeeeehhhhhhhh..... That is how I started my day. Well, no let's backtrack. I started my day with a major meltdown because I wouldn't let the little bratlet play his Leap pad at 6:00 this morning. What he does not understand is he does not have to wake before God himself on the weekends. He comes running his cute self into my room where the big bratlet managed to sneak herself into at some point duing the night. When I try to convince him to go back to bed the meltdown ensues. The big bratlet takes her toys and goes back to her room, where she closes her door. I am left fighting with a very tired 4 year old who does not realize he is tired. I slid into his little toddler bed hoping he would go back to sleep. My luck is never that great. So now it is 12:30 and he has been whining about every single thing under the sun since oh... 8:00. Sometimes I wonder if he is broken, or at least needs new batteries.

And so it begins

Day 2 of the deployment and the shit storm is fully underway. The kiddos and I were sitting at a stop sign going to school and what happens? We were slammed into by a woman not paying attention. The bumper of my not-even-6 month old car is smashed and random warning lights have been coming on. Kids are ok, but I managed to hit my lip and tooth. Girl who hit us was absolutely freaking out to the point the police officer actually meantioned it. In the end she had no less than 7 people at the scene with her while she is still freaking out. Her car is damaged more than mine. It was said she didn't even slow down when she hit us.

After dealing with insurance companies I drag two grouchy kids through Walmart. Before the end of it all I am losing my cool. We get to the front and there is 4 registers open for 102337 people attempting to check out. My patience level is now nil. We finally get home and I whip up a gormet dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup. I manage to get soup all over my stove and in every burner (go me!) I go to get my cleaning wipes out of the cabinet to discover there is now standing water under my cabinet and mold on the walls. 2 lovely days after Superman leaves and the shit storm begins. I swear it is the never ending cycle.

Round and round we go...

So here we are, again. Back where we were 2 years ago, staring a deployment right in the face. New year, new place, same shit going down. Only this time both little ones older. Big girl understands more than we give her credit for. Before we explained about daddy leaving we allowed her to watch former Pres. Bush's interview about 9/11. She understands why daddy has to go. She knows daddy keeps us safe. Little man will just know daddy isn't coming home for a while. At least it won't be for as long as the first time, thank goodness. We are closer to our parents so I can hopefully take weekend trips if I need to. I don't want him to go, but I want to get this over with. At least technology has improved since then. I just hope they have wifi overseas.